Feminism has always been an integral part of my identity. Recently, however, my beliefs have been called into question so many times that I became confused. The meaning of being a feminist has changed dramatically in the age of social media. Every time I go on Facebook, I am bound to see something that proves my conviction that the society needs feminism. I am also bound to see something that speaks to my sense of feminism, but makes me question the movement itself.

Feminism has its roots in gender equality and advocating on the behalf of women in a society built on patriarchy. Are we still staying true to that? Are we benefiting women at all or are we lost in fighting inconsequential battles? I can think of so many instances where I was left unsettled by feminist advocacy.

I was excited to see the ad titled “My Choice” by Vogue (https://youtu.be/KtPv7IEhWRA). It was being directed by a woman and featured women I admired. The video was well directed with appropriate awe-inspiring moments. It had enough high profile and feminist women that it would be seen. The music was sensational! The message though, the message wasn’t what I was expecting. Yes, it is my choice to dress as I want, choose when to marry, choose whether to have a baby, choose to accept my sexuality, choose when to have sex, choose everything. However, these are also choices which only elite and liberal women can afford to demand. These are also choices that only Vogue readers, i.e., the progressive and fairly rich females in India will want to talk about. The script of the ad only served to antagonize people and did nothing for feminism. Vogue has quite a few great women empowerment videos out there, but this one is the only one people will remember. This is not to say these issues are not important, but to say that their “Start with our Boys” campaign (https://youtu.be/0Nj99epLFqg) was so much truer to my ideals of feminism.

Something similar happened when I read the article written by Swara Bhaskar in opposition to Padmavat (https://thewire.in/women/end-magnum-opus-i-felt-reduced-vagina) . Ms. Bhaskar was eloquent and passionate in this open letter to Mr. Bhansali. The letter was so well written that I had to read it thrice to make sure I disagreed with her. While there were parts of the movie which did not appeal to me like the intense effort put into portraying Alauddin as a villain and Rajputs as the picture of ideal human beings. However, I also saw that the story clearly painted the picture of a strong, intellectual and independent woman who proved that women are everything that men are. While I hate the idea of Jauhar, I hate the idea of these women living under the thumb of a conquering force even more. While I do think several scenes in the movie overemphasized purity and such like, I do not think it reduced women to a vagina. So why did Swara Bhaskar write a piece that might be misinformed and misguided? Did she really think it contributed to feminism or that it would benefit women in some way? Also, why did the letter contain paragraphs glorifying Sanjay Leela Bhansali which effectively safeguarded her future with the director? Why is she willing to work with a person who made her feel like a vagina only? So many questions, but many of my friends did not ask them at all. So many of them blindly agreed with the letter and questioned my commitment to feminism because I disagreed.

I myself have made the mistake of questioning feminist beliefs of women whose choices were different than mine. It was only when it was pointed out to me in a class one day that becoming a housewife is also a choice that I realized how much of a hypocrite I was. Why was the choice of staying at home any less than the choice of working? Why was the choice of wearing skirts any less than the choice of wearing a saree? Why was the choice of getting married just out of high school any less than the choice of getting married late or never getting married? This hypocrisy is evident in most modern feminist circles. Why should liberal western women dictate how conservative Muslim women should dress? Why should educated working women decide that women should not stay at home and raise children? Although many of these choices are a result of systematic conditioning, let’s spread awareness instead of condemning those making these choices. Then there are women who advocate for women’s rights but refuse to call themselves feminists. They do not want to associate themselves with a term that, according to them, has devolved and lost its purpose. Things like these only serve to provide ammunition to people pretending the that gender crisis is over.

While I struggled with what feminism means, I was given varied advice from fellow believers. Things like have you read that book or have you seen this movie. Things like have I heard this TED talk or have I seen this documentary. Is this what feminism is reduced to? Has it become a theory trapped in book and reel, never to be questioned? Has it become a tool for women to justify their choices, however wrong?

I still do not know the answer to all these questions and I will surely have many more. I do know that all this questioning has only served to strengthen my belief system and my conviction towards it. So, while I have misgivings and questions, feminism will keep being a prominent part of my identity.